I’ve observed for a long time how people (myself foremost) move into a different state of mind when they think about a others who do or think or believe in a way the person finds objectionable, wrong, offensive, etc. I see it when people talk about welfare abusers, the self-entitled, criminals, the homeless, sex workers, liberals, conservatives, “the younger generation”, chauvinists, feminists, Christians, non-Christians, hippies, squares, junkies, punk rockers, etc.
Those “biological objects who violate our attachments” are de-humanized, reduced to flat caricatures that eliminate the complexities each of us know to be present by our own failings, delusions, and crimes against ourselves and others. “I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not like THAT!” But aren’t you? Aren’t I? Does my failing honestly make me any better? A more valid person?
Isn’t moral judgement just an excuse for our own inability to see the sinner’s circumstance and state of mind and history? Isn’t it just short-hand for saying, “If you were like me, you wouldn’t do that”, ignoring the obvious fact that they aren’t you, and that if you were them, you WOULD do that?
Isn’t it just another way of saying, “I’m better than you.”
I’ve practiced listening to my thoughts for years and I’ve concluded that this is absolutely true for myself – and that it only leads to pain and suffering for all of us. Myself foremost, as I’m the one being pre-occupied. Self-inflicted wounds that may lead me to inflict them on others as opportunities arise.
Breaking the cycle of thought abuse is unimaginably challenging. The poison of condemnation and self-righteousness taste so sweet, and provide a numbing distraction as it worms its way through my psyche leaving a path of disconnected destruction.
But perhaps the solution is as simple as a shift in perspective. If I’m aware, conscious, I can perhaps choose to see that this person hasn’t walked my path and that I’ve not walked theirs. My view is not theirs, because theirs is not mine.
Perhaps in place of condemnation, I can look for a way to open a window to what I see. Maybe they can look through. Maybe not. Maybe I can be at peace with the realization that either way, like so much else that I consider “my accomplishment”, is really built on things that have always been beyond my control. As I am beyond theirs.