Something I’ve been studying recently is a communication technique called Non-Violent Communication (NVC), pioneered by a man named Marshall B. Rosenberg. I’ve also heard it referred to as Compassionate Communication, though. It is a way of communicating what you want or need from other people in a way that is not coercive or manipulative (considered “violent”), but is instead inviting and accepting of others (considered “compassionate”).
My understanding is that NVC is built around the premise that humans, by nature, want to interact with one another in ways that enhance one another’s life experience. It presumes that all of the selfish, dysfunctional ways that we treat one another are learned behavior patterns. Now, whether you agree with this premise, or believe as I do that humans are naturally selfish and must learn to be compassionate, the principles and techniques of NVC are equally valid. Either way, the goal is to learn a communication style that enhances life and helps us meet one another’s wants and needs. This could be with co-workers, family members, or even people who are hostile to you. By developing the skills within yourself, you are better able to communicate positively with others even when they have no exposure to NVC.
The basic process involves four steps:
- Observe the facts
- Identify the feelings
- Identify the needs
- Make specific requests
Of course, each individual step has it’s own landscape once you start to look at it in detail. As I go through the process of looking at each one, I’ll add my thoughts, feelings and insights here. The book that I’m currently reading on the topic is called “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall B. Rosenberg.