Mr. Badger Beard

There’s a badger that grows upon my face.
He fancies himself a beard.
He starts out scratchy and softens up,
but still feels itchy and weird.

The part that grows underneath my nose
likes to steal sips from my drink
He laps it up and laughs at me
“That’s rather unfair”, I think!

“What can you do with those stolen sips?
They’ve got nowhere to go!”
I reach to reclaim them with my tongue,
but the badger just says, “No.”

But sometimes he will scratch an itch
If it’s somewhere he can reach,
And occasionally when he brushes someone,
They give a purr or screech!

In the end he’s too much trouble, though.
I’ll shave him off quite soon.
But the way he grows however I mow
I doubt he’ll change his tune.