Blame the media. Blame the politicians. Blame whatever you want, but the state of political debate and thought in the mass media seems to be more diatribe than debate. Each side blindly trumpets its own headlines, accusing all nay-sayers of being liberal or conservative (depending on which one they think is a bad word). Here are some examples:
The pro-choice advocates talk about a woman’s right to control her own body and reproduction. The pro-life advocates talk about the right of the developing human to live, no matter how unfortunate the timing of their existence. Which one is right? Both.
Regarding illegal aliens/undocumented workers, one camp says that we are a nation of laws and should punish those who break them, and deport them if they didn’t get here legally. The other says that these workers are economic refugees with no realistic way to get here legally and are only doing what a reasonable person in their situation would do. Which one is right? Both.
So what do we do? We fight and argue and kill and harass until one extreme point or the other “wins” (I use that term VERY loosely). We cover the middle ground with ignorance, arrogance, shame, blame, and blood. We pretend that if we can shout louder and longer and make the other person be quiet, then somehow the problem will be solved and the utopia in our mind will come to pass so that everybody agrees with us and we are always right.
I’m reminded of the Monty Python argument sketch. A man pays for an argument which descends into a “Yes it is!”/”No it isn’t!” exchange over whether or not the exchange they are having constitutes the argument that the man paid to have.
So what’s the answer? There are some simple formulas, but I’ll warn you: They aren’t always as fun because they actually require some effort and they don’t involve having a good, old-fashioned temper tantrum or shouting match. They also require that you enter the discussion with the knowledge that you might be wrong. This is a new concept for some people, and can be difficult if you are not able to set down your pride and realize that reality doesn’t revolve around your desires. (And I’m not being sarcastic – this really IS hard for a lot of people!).
Once you unhinge self-esteem from a dependence on dominating other people, you can begin to listen. When another person says something that is at odds with your experience, beliefs, or values, start asking questions. Discover the source of your own values and beliefs (you might change them as you discover false assumptions), and offer the same for the other person. As you explore and ask questions, you learn. Maybe something is complicated. Maybe it involves technical aspects that are beyond your grasp. Do the best you can with what you have, and peg the strength of your conclusion to the strength of your understanding. And if you don’t have the time and resources to investigate an issue well enough to obtain certainty, then don’t present your opinions with certainty. Expand your vocabulary to include phrases like, “I suspect” or “As best I can tell”. And if the other person is unwilling or unable to comprehend or agree with your opinion, then guess what? It’s out of your control. Beyond the scope of your power. Not yours. At best, you could coerce their external behavior into a mockery of agreement, and perhaps as they pretend you are right more and more frequently, they might even appear to believe it, but at devastating cost to their own mind, and ultimately the internal conflict is just buried beneath the surface and finds its way out in all kinds of dysfunctional and destructive behaviors. But now matter how violent the oppression of another mind, no matter how much damage you inflict, it will never be more than a complicit fantasy of justification fabricated in your own mind for your own, self-serving pleasure.
Bottom line: Until you can get your head around the perspective of the other person and understand from what angle their words and actions “make sense”, you do not possess enough data and are therefore not qualified to determine that they are stupid, lazy, sinful, crazy, cowardly, wrong, or any other adjective you may find more convenient than actually discovering the truth. Sure, this may involve accepting the risk that your initial opinions were incorrect, and require that you make some changes to your own thinking. Maybe it is time to grow up.
Ultimately, the question is whether you prefer to actually be correct, or just pretend that you are and hope everybody else is willing to do the same.